


The Answer

by RaeDMagdon



Series: Questions and Answers [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:05:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeDMagdon/pseuds/RaeDMagdon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Question'. Alex returns to SVU and tries to offer Olivia an explanation for her long absence, but realizes that there are more important things she has been waiting to do. A desk might be involved...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Answer

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel to 'The Question' that takes places after the Season 10 episode "Lead." Alex and Olivia deserved a more powerful reunion.

"You really are back, aren't you?"

Olivia's cautious, unsure smile made Alex's heart jump in her chest. It was a smile she had so desperately missed, and when Olivia turned away to follow Elliot out of the courtroom, she almost reached out to brush the detective's elbow and pull her back. But that would mean touching her, and after their time apart, Alex wasn't sure whether the contact would be welcome.

"Olivia, wait..."

Alex watched as Olivia and Elliot shared a glance, looking at each other, then back at her. For a moment, she was actually jealous at the easy, silent communication between them. Then, with a slow nod, Elliot pulled his coat tighter around his shoulders and left while Olivia stayed where she was. Hesitantly, Alex stepped forward. Even with all the rustling and footsteps around them as the courtroom emptied, she was aware of the noise her heels made as she clicked across the floor towards her waiting... what? Lover? Ex-lover? What, exactly, was Olivia to her now? Was she even anything?

When she finally stopped at Olivia's side and turned to face her, Alex remembered why she had been so eager to come back to SVU, even though it was technically a demotion. Despite her absence and her sins, she couldn't let Olivia go. And now, with the woman who consumed her thoughts standing before her, solid and real and waiting for her to speak, she knew that she had to take a chance. The courage she had somehow misplaced came back in a surge, and she blurted out, "I think we need to talk."

Olivia did not seem surprised by the request. The only response in her face was a slight raising of her eyebrows. "We had three years to talk after you got back, but I never got a phone call. Why now?"

Alex lowered her head, sinking her teeth into her lower lip. "I deserved that," she said softly. For the first time, instead of ignoring the twisting, piercing guilt that lanced through her whenever she looked at Olivia, she embraced it. Her hands shook, and removed her glasses, folding them in her palm. If Olivia looked, Alex wanted her to see the regret in her eyes. "I should have called you. I wanted to call you. I tried so many times that I lost count. But..."

"Not here," Olivia interrupted, glancing around the room. It had emptied quickly, and they were almost alone. "Your office?"

Alex nodded once, sliding her glasses back over her nose. Then, she turned and walked out the door, trusting Olivia to follow her. They fell into matching strides, as they so often did when walking anywhere together. Apparently, that was one part of their connection that hadn't changed. When they walked past security and out into the parking lot towards Olivia's car, Alex was strangely pleased when Olivia held open the passenger's side door for her. It could have just been standard politeness, or even just habit, but in her mind, she changed it into a sentimental gesture.

The ride back to Centre Street was spent mostly in silence. Alex stole glances across the squad car at Olivia, trying to feel her out. The line of her shoulders was raised, her muscles tense beneath her jacket, but otherwise, she seemed infuriatingly neutral. Alex almost wanted her to be angry. It would have been better if she yelled, screamed, broke into tears. At least that way, she would have known that Olivia Benson felt something for her. Part of her wondered if Olivia still cared at all, or if her long absence had invalidated their old relationship and their brief reunion during the Connors trial. But once, at a red light, she caught Olivia looking at her with such a wistful expression that it gave her hope.

She clung to that hope as Olivia put the car in park, and both of them stepped into the District Attorney's office. "Still the same place?" Olivia asked.

Alex nodded. "I got sentimental, and Jack owed me one."

Together, they headed up the stairs, too impatient for the elevator. Finally, Olivia stopped in front of the familiar wooden door, staring at the empty golden nameplate. "Is this assignment still temporary?" she said, folding her hands behind her back as she waited for Alex to fish her keys out of her purse. "Or do you think you might stick around this time?"

Alex winced a little at the comment, even though she knew that it was warranted. "That depends," she said, finally pulling out her keychain and opening the door. This time, she was the one to hold it open, allowing Olivia to enter first.

"On what?"

"On you." Alex closed the door behind her. Then, for good measure, she locked it before switching on the light.

For several moments, they just stared at each other, unsure where to start.

"I really did try to call," Alex said at last. Part of her did not want to meet Olivia's eyes, but she forced herself to stare at her face, to witness the betrayal written there.

"You didn't need to," Olivia said, turning away and facing the window. The blinds were drawn, so there wasn't much point. "The announcement of your engagement in the paper was enough to tell me what I needed to know."

"Did it?" Alex asked, her eyes narrowing slightly behind the lenses of her glasses. "Did it tell you how many nights I cried because I was too much of a coward to face you again? Because I didn't want to ruin the last night we spent together with the reality that you might not want me anymore?"

"That's stupid, Alex," Olivia snapped, whirling back around. This time, her face was angry, and Alex felt a jolt of satisfaction. The flash in her eyes was intimately familiar, a reminder of all the times when they had worked out their frustrations on each other after a heated argument or an unfavorable verdict. "I waited for you. I thought that night in the hotel room meant something, but then you came back and acted like I didn't even exist!"

"It did mean something," Alex insisted, stepping closer. Olivia stepped back, obviously not welcoming the invasion of her personal space now that their feelings were out in the open. "It meant everything! I lost you for over three years, Liv, longer if you count the time I spent hiding from you in Appeals." She sighed, shaking her head. "I just couldn't ruin that memory with reality. It was the last thing I had left of you."

"If you'd bothered to drop by the squadroom or my apartment, or even if you'd just called me, it wouldn't have had to be the last," Olivia said. "God, Alex, I would have taken you home in a heartbeat. Picked right back up where we left off. But now..."

"The engagement was a mistake," Alex said. "So was everyone else I've ever been with since I left New York the first time. I was trying so hard to forget you, and everyone I tried to forget with came up short. None of them could compare."

"Save it, Alex," Olivia said, heaving a sigh. "I don't want to think about... you know."

"Would it help to know that you're still the best sex I've ever had in my life?" she asked, saying the words before she could think better of it. Olivia blinked in surprise. A little of her anger faded, but her jaw was still clenched too much for Alex's liking. She stepped forward, reaching out one hand. This time, Olivia didn't move away, even when Alex's fingers touched her cheek. "You are unforgettable, Olivia Benson. I couldn't let go with anyone but you. I couldn't love anyone but you."

"Don't say that," Olivia said, her voice cracking a little as she avoided Alex's gaze. But she didn't brush away the manicured nails sliding down over her jaw and caressing her throat either.

"I didn't want to miss my chance again." Alex's eyes flicked down to the throbbing pulse just above the dip in Olivia's collarbone, then back up at her face. She could tell that Olivia was trying not to cry. Her brown eyes glistened. "I've already wasted too much time."

"Damn it, Alex, I –" Olivia began, but her sentence was cut off as Alex surged forward, sliding a hand around the back of her neck. Alex's lips clashed with hers, drawing them open, grazing with teeth and tongue. At first, Olivia's body seized up, and she pulled back, startled by the contact. But then her fingers threaded instinctively through Alex's hair, pulling her closer and closing her eyes.

When Olivia responded, Alex lost all control. Her hands slid beneath Olivia's coat, pushing it off her shoulders as she sucked the detective's lower lip. She only had one chance to show Olivia how she felt – how she had always felt. She was going to seize it, even if she didn't deserve the second chance.

"Fuck, Alex," Olivia breathed heavily against her lips as their kiss broke. "How do you do this to me?" Alex didn't answer. Instead, she began unbuttoning her blouse. She only got about half of the loops unhooked before Olivia's hands reached up to stop her, and for a moment, her face fell. Her disappointment only lasted until Olivia grabbed her by the shoulders and whirled her around, pushing her against the solid edge of her desk.

Alex's breathing sped up, and so did her heartbeat. She could still feel Olivia's pelvis pressed into the swell of her ass from behind. If Olivia wanted to fuck her this way to exorcise any demons she was holding onto, Alex was more than willing to let her as long as it meant Olivia was touching her again. It was far better than her cold, hostile indifference over the past several days.

Olivia forced her to bend over, breasts pressing into her back. Alex shivered as warm breath ghosted over her neck. "God, you still smell the same," Olivia murmured just beside her ear. When sharp teeth nipped the lobe, Alex cried out. She could already feel the rapidly building pressure, the insistent throb between her legs, and she knew that she had probably ruined her underwear. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was Olivia's body hovering over her, Olivia's weight pressing down on her, Olivia's lips catching the sensitive spot beneath her ear, the one tucked just behind the corner of her jaw. She had remembered it.

There was a sudden chill as Olivia lifted her skirt, rucking it up over her hips and bunching the fabric into an awkward wrinkle, but Alex's skin was already feverishly hot. She gasped as a warm hand slid up along the back of her thigh, past the sleek edge of her stockings, nails biting into bare flesh. "You're already wet, aren't you?" Olivia panted against her neck.

Alex shivered with each ragged exhale, struggling to form a sentence as Olivia's fingers drew higher, stopping just short of their goal. "For you," she whispered, partially into the wood of the desk.

That seemed to be enough encouragement, because Olivia's fingers found the soaked, clinging fabric of her panties, rubbing harshly over the swollen outline she could feel beneath. "I can't think about this anymore," she said, and Alex heard the desperation in her voice. It set her blood on fire. "I need you. I don't care, I just –"

Alex turned as best she could while she was still pinned. Her loose hair fell over her shoulder, sticking to the cheek that wasn't pressed into the desk and catching in one corner of her mouth. She looked at Olivia with what she hoped was a pleading expression. "Liv, I need you. Please..."

Olivia slid her hand up and around the swell of Alex's backside, finding the low-cut waistband of her underwear and tugging it down. Moments later, Alex was rocking against her fingers. She screamed when they slid inside of her, first two, then three, filling her without any warning or preparation. She didn't care. She wanted it to burn. To sting. To ache. That meant it was real, not just a fantasy or a memory.

The thrusting started as soon as Olivia was buried inside her. With her fingers facing down, she curled expertly against the sensitive spot along Alex's front wall every time she pulled out. The familiar way Olivia handled her made Alex claw at the desk, trying to work out all of the overwhelming sensations. She wanted to feel Olivia's skin, to taste her, to re-learn every inch of her body, but at the same time, this possession was too powerful to give up. After so many years away from each other, she wanted to be Olivia's again. She wanted to feel like herself. To feel like she belonged to the right person. Later, if Olivia gave her the chance, she would return the favor.

"God, you're still so... I can feel..." Olivia breathed out broken sentences against the back of Alex's neck in between kisses, pulling aside the collar of her loose, half-unbuttoned blouse to bite her shoulder. The blunt edges of Olivia's teeth sinking into her flesh made Alex arch, rocking back against the fingers that were pumping into her. Olivia's other hand clutched her hip, guiding her into a forceful rhythm. Alex whimpered at the tight grip, but she relished in it. Before she could even ask, Olivia's thumb found the swollen bud of her clit, grinding into it so hard that it would have hurt if it didn't also feel blissfully good.

"Liv, please," she begged again, not even bothering to lower her voice. Judge Petrovsky could have barged into her office, and she wouldn't have wanted to stop. Not now, when she was so close, and it was finally Olivia who threatened to drive her over the edge. "Let me come, let me –" Perhaps to show that she still had some hold over Alex, or maybe because she couldn't resist, Olivia pushed inside of her again and stayed there, curling against the perfect spot as she continued rubbing over her clit.

Alex finally broke, screaming her pleasure into the wooden surface of the desk. She clutched at Olivia's fingers, pulsing with contractions, trying to pull them deeper. Through the haze of her own pleasure, Alex heard Olivia let out a low groan of satisfaction, and the sound coaxed a flood of wetness from deep inside her. She struggled to keep breathing as warmth ran over her thighs and Olivia's hand, forced out by her fluttering inner muscles.

Every time Alex thought she was finally coming down from her high, Olivia would pump back into her, stretching her just enough to make her tighten and bear down all over again. Her clit jumped under the pad of Olivia's thumb as it made harsh circles with each thrust. It was too much, and Alex's first orgasm hadn't even finished before she was consumed by a second uncontrollable release. This time, she lifted her head, arching her spine as she tried to raise her hips higher. Olivia's other hand was still guiding them backwards, forcing her to meet each thrust.

Alex collapsed back onto the desk, gasping and completely overwhelmed. She was a shuddering, vulnerable mess – something she never allowed herself to become for anyone else. Only Olivia could tear down her walls and truly make her feel. When Olivia's fingers pulled out of her, leaving her empty, Alex whimpered, but couldn't bring herself to move. She remained slumped over the desk, trying to gather the strength to push herself upright again.

"Here," she heard Olivia say behind her. Her voice was low, and no longer filled with anger. Alex turned her head to see the detective's glistening fingers inches away from her lips. She took them obediently into her mouth, running her tongue around and between them, praying that this wouldn't be the last time she ever tasted herself on Olivia. She wasn't sure she could bear it.

Finally, Alex pulled back enough to prop herself up on her elbows. Olivia stepped back, giving her enough room to stand up and turn around. For a moment, she thought she would lose her balance and collapse onto the floor, but she steadied herself by gripping the edge of the desk. Olivia stood in front of her, still fully dressed except for her coat, gazing at her with an expression that Alex couldn't read no matter how hard she tried. Maybe it was because Olivia didn't know what to feel.

"Liv," Alex said again, pushing off the desk and stepping forward. Her skirt fell back into place, brushing just below the tops of her stockings, and her underwear slid the rest of the day down her legs, landing in a pool on the floor. She stepped out of them. "I love you."

Alex could see Olivia's breath hitch at the words. "Alex, don't..."

"I love you."

This time, Olivia didn't respond. She stood perfectly still as Alex closed in on her, reaching out to touch her shoulder, her hair, her cheek.

"I'm just going to keep saying it until you say it back, or until you tell me to get the hell out of your life," Alex insisted, staring into Olivia's eyes. "I've waited too long to go back to being strangers, or even friends. I love you."

"Then why did you stay away?"

Alex sighed. "I can't answer that. Maybe because I didn't think you would still love me after becoming someone else. Maybe because I didn't love myself. I'm not even sure I knew who Alex was anymore. But I know where I'm supposed to be now. Who I'm supposed to be. Who I'm supposed to be with."

When Olivia's hands finally came out to cup her face and draw her in for another kiss, a soft sob broke in Alex's chest. Tears welled up in her eyes, but this time, they were tears of relief instead of regret. Olivia's mouth slanted against hers, easing her lips apart with her tongue, and Alex kissed her back as deeply as she could, desperate to convey the truth of everything she had said. When her hands slid up to untuck Olivia's shirt and pull it up, the detective helped by raising her arms. They waited until the last moment to break apart, and the fabric only came between their faces for a moment.

"You love me?" Olivia asked, more of a statement than a question.

"I love you," Alex said. Now that she had gotten used to saying them, the words were easy to summon.

"Show me."

Slowly, Alex turned Olivia around and backed her up to the desk, urging her to perch on the edge. She dropped to her knees, staring up at Olivia through the frames of her glasses as she pressed a kiss to the seam of her pants. Then, she undid the button and zipper, pulling them over the perfect swell of Olivia's hips. Soon, Olivia was naked from the waist down, and Alex paused, waiting for permission. After a moment, Olivia reached down and brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. It was enough. Alex let out a low sigh, spreading Olivia's thighs apart with her hands as she dipped her head.

Everything about Olivia was familiar. Comforting. Even though they had spent years apart, Olivia's taste, her scent, all of it made Alex feel right with what she was doing for the first time in years. She ran her tongue over her lips to wet them before placing a kiss directly over Olivia's clit, only pulling away when she had earned a low moan. She did it again, and again, watching Olivia's outer lips swell open for her.

When Olivia's hands threaded through her hair, urging her closer, Alex slid her tongue from the base of Olivia's entrance to the tip of her clit, pulling the hard bud between her lips. She could see Olivia's stomach tense, and she let one of her hands slide up to run across the tight muscles. Her other hand went lower, past her chin, and she eased two of her fingers forward, burying them in tight, clinging heat. Olivia was more than wet enough to make the motion easy, but she didn't thrust. Instead, she began a hard, forward curling motion, staying as deep as she could.

"Fuck, you remember," she heard Olivia groan above her. Alex had done this enough to know that Olivia was clinging to the last shreds of her control, resisting the temptation to let go and grind against her mouth, and she was determined to break down her lover's walls. She lashed her tongue over Olivia's clit and sped up the motion of her hand, timing her movements with the subtle motion of Olivia's hips to find the perfect pressure and speed.

It worked, and soon she had Olivia rocking shamelessly into her mouth and hand, head thrown back and breasts pushed forward as she clutched desperately at the edge of the desk. "God, Alex," Olivia cried out, throwing one of her calves over Alex's shoulder in an effort to have her closer. The fingers in Alex's hair curled tighter, but she only hummed her approval, running her tongue across the swollen point of Olivia's clit again and again as her fingers kept moving through slick heat. She could feel Olivia's muscles fluttering around her, pulling unbearably tight, and Alex pulled her mouth away just long enough to whisper "I love you" one last time.

Olivia froze, breaking down into a mess of shudders as she came. She bucked, taking Alex's fingers as deep inside of her as she could and spilling into her palm. Her clit twitched in the seal of Alex's lips, and each soft flick of Alex's tongue made her whole body pulse. Alex eased Olivia through the rest of her release, staring up at her in awe. Somehow, Olivia had managed to keep her eyes open, and Alex saw exactly what she had been missing for so many years. Love.

Even after Olivia collapsed backwards onto the desk, supporting herself on her elbows and panting to try and catch her breath, Alex didn't pull away. She rested her cheek against Olivia's soft inner thigh, not bothering to pull her fingers out. "I can't explain why I stayed away," she whispered, desperately wishing she could see Olivia's face again, "but I hope you know why I came back."

"Yeah, I know why." Olivia forced herself back into a sitting position, a slightly dazed smile pulling at her lips. "Because you love me."

"And that's a good enough answer?"

Alex watched as Olivia's hand covered hers, cupping over it to make sure she stayed inside. "More than good enough."

**The End**


End file.
